My Netflix Reviews: “The Hurt Locker” and “The Road”–Contains Spoilers and Unwholesome Levels of Vitriol

[note: These were cut-and-pasted directly from Netflix and are unedited–the spelling, punctuation and grammar errors have been left intact to preserve the white-hot rage in which these reviews were written]

The Hurt Locker

    SPOILERS this is the worst war movie ive ever seen. blah, boring, pilled up, beat, lugubrious, lachrymose garbage with ZEROOOO CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT–who CARED about ONE person in this movie? oh no the enemy kid who offered to sell the protagonist donkey porn died, oh i am so sad now, i am crying. and the awesome black guy i was supposed to care about for no apparent reason actual SAID OUT LOUD to a squad mate they should f*ckin’ KILL HIM BY ACCIDENT and now look they are friends and I care–NOT. i was hoping that traitor would get killed through the whole movie but noooooooooooo, gotta have the numinous negro to show everyone the light i’m surprised there wasn’t a kickass female soldier in the squad with him to tell him how wrong and bad he was and be all awesome this was ten pounds of garbage in a five pound bag here’s a list of movies that DIDN’T WIN BEST PICTURE: full metal jacket apocalypse now black hawkdown three kings LOLOLOLOL another GIANT F*CK YOU from Hollywood

The Road

    This is the worst seriously intended film I’ve ever seen. no intellectual content, no meaning, information, life lessons, nothing. bleak, nihilistic, content free pointless drivel. DO NOT WATCH the characters do not act human, had no personalities or interesting histories. I didn’t care about them, wanted them to die and for the movie to start following the cannibals instead. Worthless just lets his wife wander off–he just says please don’t go. Has the author/screenwriter ever interacted with a human male or any human? the child’s constant dread was unrealistic. He has grown up after Poxaclypse or whatever, how long would he be horrified by cannibalism and gore. we have the accounts of many children who grow up in the worst environments and privations and NONE act like this. And a family at the end takes on an extra mouth to feed and they have a DOG where are they getting food? And where’s the damned AIR coming from? Worthless not only has no survival skills AT all, he makes really bad decisions, like leaving THE WARM SAFE BOMB SHELTER STOCKED WITH FOOD oh and why don’t you let your stupid kid make more noise so the damned cannibals kind find you. Ok, you say-it’s not realistic-it’s an allegory. Really? What are the moral lessons? Survival is evil, just lie down and die? Help thieves who would let you die? there has ever been a more vivid display of the disgusting nature of christian/altruist morality in action then the scene where the guy who ROBBED THEM OF EVERYTHING is left alive because our hero, Worthlessman listens to his dumb kid every time the kid wants to hand out their precious resources to 9/10ths dead old people and CRIMINALS. i assume “keeping the fire burning” is the spirit of “civilization” or “morality”, guess what you dumb f*ckin kid–those things are LUXURIES when you are trying to survive–maybe the author should have looked up Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, or consulted an actual human being before writing this drek.
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11 Responses to My Netflix Reviews: “The Hurt Locker” and “The Road”–Contains Spoilers and Unwholesome Levels of Vitriol

  1. roofer says:

    I don’t think we’re meant to take the movie literally. To me, it was about finding hope in despair and all that. Moral lessons: 1) look after your children 2) things could be worse 3) Do unto others etc

  2. dana says:

    lol@look after your children? by not teaching them how to survive? by teaching them to give your last pieces of food to a nigger robbing you? how did he teach him “things could be worse”? it was allegedly the end of the world–and do unto others? do YOU expect strangers to give you a can of food after you rob them and leave them for dead?

    it was sickening beyond belief the morality in it was the morality of a paschal lamb. maybe its because im not a christian–it made me want to become a cannibal now, and eat cormac mccarthy

    • roofer says:

      I dont know from paschal lambs. I saw father who believed the world would not end and who wanted to teach his son how to live in it in a generous and compassionate way.

  3. A_Woman_Scorned says:

    I love the Hurt Locker!

    It is a tribute to one aspect of the Feminine. That is the ingenuity, the willpower, the determination that can fill a woman when she wants to humiliate that *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* who left her!

    She showed James Cameron and his *bleeping* smurfs who the real director is! Oh yes, yes she did! It was never meant to be artistic! It was a tool, and it won best director in the 82 Academy Awards. Not cause she wanted it… but to take it away from Cameron and Avatar. The insane fury of a woman.

    I can respect that.

    Watchfully, keeping an eye on her, of course.

  4. Britney says:

    The Road was horrible! For a post-apocalyptic film, this was poorly constructed. I guess maybe the book help more incite but as a stand alone, this was a huge thumbs down!

  5. Tarl says:

    I agree with you on The Road. I was willing to let it slide on the “where’s the oxygen coming from?” aspect but the rest of the movie fell flat on its face. The guy simply was not teaching his kid survival skills (not that it probably mattered, since from what we can tell, life on Earth is doomed and nobody’s going to survive anyway). It really annoyed me when they left the bomb shelter for no good reason. Stay there until the food runs out, dumbass!

    The movie is very faithful to the book, by the way, so that should be your clue not to bother reading the book…

    • Britney says:

      I hated that scene where the boy is arguing with his dad about leaving the shelter. And all that babying the dad did?!? Smack that kid on the head, tell him if he doesn’t stop crying he will be fed to cannibals.

  6. Laura says:

    My brother had me read the book The Road. He loved it, but I wasn’t crazy about it.

  7. dana says:

    why would anyone read a book not written by neal stephenson?

  8. Justin says:

    Giving your stuff meekly to the nigger who seeks to rob/kill you? Come on, that is not apocalyptic fiction, that is a metaphor for socio-political status quo.

    • dana says:

      no shit–my husband almost smashed the tv at that scene–and could they have made him more alienly repellent on top of it? bleurgh

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